“Mrs. O – could you please give me the recipe to your green sauce so I can make it for my friends?”
“Where did you buy this from? I would like to get some for my family…”
“Your daughter made me some green sauce for Christmas and I ate the whole jar of it…I would like to make my own. Could you send me the recipe please?”
The requests keep coming but I feel hesitant to respond. I have a desire to share the goodness of my green sauce, but I just can’t give my secret recipe away.
The restlessness is a gift that has beckoned me to a sacred space inside my heart, a space that is becoming more vibrant and alive to risk and a space that feels as if it is birthing something new. I feel the need to protect and honor this space in my heart…it is calling me to receive and hold something secret all to myself.
I am a woman familiar with secrets. In my lifetime, I have learned to honor and respect secrets…
There are those that are too heavy to carry alone, that deserve a friend who sees with grace filled eyes.
There are those that deserve the tending nurture of a mother.
There are those that deserve the strong arms of a father.
There are those that deserve the yells from a brother’s gut.
There are those that deserve the gentle whispers of a sister’s song.
And there are those that deserve to be held in the sacred, secret place of the unknown, with hopeful anticipation for more…the ones that can only be tended to and revealed by the mercy and kindness of our Holy God.
Perhaps my restlessness comes as I consider that Goodness has given me something as delightful as an answer to a longing I have had…a longing to pass on something of a treasure to my family. Yes, a new space of worship is taking shape in my heart for the freedom to say YES to keeping a secret all to myself.
And perhaps I am being called by Love to rest in my restlessness and receive the goodness of His gift.
The calls keep coming in, asking for more green sauce.
My anticipation is growing…
I feel it, the dream teetering on the edge of my imagination. I am beginning the process of asking the what if’s:
“What if I could sell my green sauce?”
“What if I start at the Farmer’s Market with just a few jars?”
“And what if it became wanted and sought after?”
My dream is taking shape. As I risk and begin to think of a name for my green sauce, the whispers of accusation attempt to keep me from trying. Guilt beckons, “You should give all you have away for free…” “You are selfish…” “You are crazy…”
Yes. I am. But Love answers on the winds of whimsy through a quote given to me by a counselor years ago. It is from Alice in Wonderland.
The Mad Hatter asks Alice a question…And Alice responds beautifully…
I can laugh at guilt’s accusations…
YES. I. CAN.
I wonder, do you have a secret treasure to offer? Sewing, cooking, painting, writing, singing, teaching, gardening, creating…?
What are the possibilities of your “YES?”
Ellen Oelsen lives in the Texas Hill Country with her husband of 24 years. She is a mother of 4 children and loves their 2 dogs and 1 cat. Her hobbies include cooking, nature, reading, plays, and two stepping. She delights in offering hospitality of the heart and creating spaces of care, rest, play and reflection to inspire hope. She is beginning to expose the writer within her.