Sleepwalking was my companion for three years, but I must admit, it felt amazing to be able to sleep and walk at the same time. Now I know how Michael Jackson mesmerized the masses with his moonwalk. Gliding through the vicissitudes of life without a care in the world, the freedom to just be, with the world watching, but your gaze solely fixed on the God of all Creation. The science of it all thrills me beyond my daily routine and interrupts my flow state.
Gosh, did I just say that out loud?
Flow state.
Women, you know the moon has interesting effects on us. Men operate on the Gregorian Calendar, and well, we women move with the moon. The moon has cycles: Full, New, Crescent, Waxing, Gibbous. When is the last time that the Full Moon symbolized the end of something for you and the New Moon embarked you on a different path?
This is important to know so that you don’t wear yourself out naturally attempting something that the Spirit realm isn’t aligned with. It’s helpful for your life partner as well. We don’t want them wondering why we are “having a moment.” And it’s totally okay because you, through those cycles, carry vision and birth life.
The moon was new that month. My phone rang at 4AM.
“Are you asleep?” he asked. “Walk with me. I’m believing God for something major.”
“Why me Lord? I just want to sleep!” Grumbling, I grabbed my keys. After all, if the Pastor calls, you move.
Then we stopped the walk and he said: “Wow, look at the moon.” Something shifted and he continued, “This won’t look like anything you’ve learned in church.”
Wait. How do I find this innocuous thing? I’m used to structure, schedules, and a timeline for everything. I am a planner. Did he mean that God was going to fling me into the world of those sinful people? No thank you. I’ve been in “those places.” They are dark and scary. Unsafe. Wild. Out of my comfort zone. Those were my justifications for 10 years, until God really did “fling me out.” I renamed myself “Josefina.” Left in a pit, sleepwalking, shouting out for help, only to hear hollow echoes.
Daniella, that was my name during the time I so faithfully served those who sullied my name, hurled insults at me for correcting them in truth and love, gossiped, and did all sorts of malicious things towards me. That was some serious, strange fire. I was so “sleepy” that I didn’t know how to get out. As others began to see what I saw, I threw on my “E.M.T.” helmet and helped some escape, all while “sleeping on myself.” God remained in the fire with me. Purifying me, purging negativity away from me. I was “out of the fire” before I knew I was out! Freedom was mine and I took it! Silly me, it was mine all along. But I had to look back and see how God taught me HIMSELF. I HAD to be burned.
I know the love of Jesus without the pomp and circumstance, without the insults, without the dark embers of “the dude code.” I’d returned to myself, and while given structure, I was also free to break some rules. I could relax. I could flow and not have to worry about “my image” in front of “those elite people.” Who cares? God Loves Me.
“She’s not submissive anymore. She’s wild, she’s unpredictable,” they whisper to each other.
My slingshot is ready but the difference is I’m slinging it from a level of love that you can’t access without going through the pit, fasting for the “Palace” instead of the people who need it, and braving the embers of hot coals, you know, the place where everything comes out.
Paulina, the one that shakes snakes off with everyone proclaiming to know who she is. I define myself in light of God’s Word and the TRUE love of Jesus, not some trumped-up version of life that binds you to dogmatic regulations on what’s proper and what’s right. I’m not church bashing; I’m believing for the Body to get Better.
Moonwalking with the Master, “WOKE!”
Pray for your walk and pray for those who saw the Moon, but missed the Master’s hand. God loves them too.
Are you sleepy? #MeToo … and it doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen in #ChurchToo.
The name changes are gender-friendly. Galatians 2:6
Natasha Stevens was born in a two parent, loving home to an attorney and a teacher and has lived in several countries. From humanitarian efforts to education and speaking engagements, she enjoys interacting with people from all walks of life. An Executive Team Member of Pitch2Me, she is blessed to be able to offer film finance for aspiring filmmakers. Her best friend is Jesus and she has over 4000 children in the form of adult entrepreneurs. As an ambassador for Girl Rising having held two screenings and implemented curriculum in a school, Natasha hopes to awaken others to the wonderful opportunities of giving back.
I love your comments. I love how you are re-claiming your spiritiality. I appreciate how your are connecting to the divine through your body, heart and mind. Your faith is beautiful. I call my self a follower of Jesus. I am even a minister in the United Church of Canada. I now Life/Executive Coach. I don’t get alot out of institutional religion any more. I also teach the Enneagram personality tool. It is a very inclusive spiritual tool. So glad to find your blog. Roland Legge
Thank you so much Roland. I’m very grateful for the Red Tent Living Community. I also took that test. God isn’t a fan of religion rather relationship. My faith didn’t come without flaws and God’s restoration is for everyone willing to receive it. Authenticity is a buzz word these days, but I truly appreciate you for speaking your truth. Sacred spaces should be safe places. I found safety in the Divinity of God. He’s all encompassing, ever loving and extremely expansive. Much Love and Grace to you and your Church. Canada is a beautiful place with amazing people.
In Freedom,
Natasha Stevens
Natasha–
I love this post so much. I love the associations your mind leaps between as you describe your spiritual journey. I also love the invitation back into our natural “flow state,” and how linked this is with our strength as women. I love this line:
“When is the last time that the Full Moon symbolized the end of something for you and the New Moon embarked you on a different path?”
I’m going to be chewing on that for a while.
I also love how you drew connections with different season of your journey with being like different characters from scripture. Josefina…”Left in a pit, sleepwalking, shouting out for help, only to hear hollow echoes”…I’ve been there, too! It’s got me thinking more about other men or women I connect with in scripture and why.
I loved getting to read your creative mind. Your journey into freedom is inspiring, thanks for writing!
Libby,
Thank you so much. I had to lose my religion to find my faith again. Those instances were so painful with the name changes; but I’m reminded in Scripture that every time God changes a name, there is a greater glory and blessing attached to it. I really love finding myself in the pages and real people in the Bible. He speaks to me this way when I can’t find my way. The moon… when we unplug from the information highway, there is so much to learn in nature. I distinctly remember purposely leaving my phone home to see if I could handle it. About a mile in, I was able to relax. Many years ago, driving to clean the church and help with the landscaping, I noticed a cedar tree that had been there all along. It was right by the entrance. It had turned totally brown. I asked the gardener what happened and why had I not noticed it before. He replied that perhaps because I was always on my phone and not paying attention. Then, he said something that blew me away. I said: “Why is this brown and not green and how do we fix it-cut it down?” He said, “no, it’s brown because it needs iron. Go to the shed and find some rusty nails (yes, rusty nails), place them at the base of the tree and it will come back to life.” I was stunned. I know I turned fifty shades lighter. I said wait a second here, you mean like the cedar planted by Lebanon? He smiled and said: “The blood of Jesus still works in all of His creation.” And walked away. I sat on the church steps dumbfounded how God could take something I overlooked and speak to a gardener who by the way was not a member. That’s how He loves us. He hung the moon in the sky. Notice how the super moon affects people. It literally astounds me. One of my childhood mentors works at NASA; and that makes me wonder what majestic things they get to see every day. Loving the flow into freedom. Unshackled and Unchained. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I’m still chewing on it too. New things, New things! Shall they not spring forth?
Freely & Fondly,
Natasha
You see the world like a poet, Natasha! Yes, as GK Chesterton says, “The things we see everyday are the things we never see at all.” The world is always speaking back to us. Everyday I ask for more awareness about what God is saying through the things that are right in front of me. Thank you for your beautiful post, which invites us back to this truth! I’m also “losing my religion” and finding more of Jesus…and loving the journey. Carry On, sister!
Also, the story about the cedar is incredible. Hmm…rusty nails…needs iron. That reminds me of the way that blood smells metallic, like iron. (I’m a nurse and smell blood on a regular basis). Thanks for sharing this story! “The blood of Jesus still works in all of His creation.”
Libby,
Thank you. I’m reminded also of a quote similar to Chesterton: “I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen?” — John Steinbeck You’re in a unique position as a nurse. That is such a great opportunity to heal others the way you’ve been gifted to do. I love Jesus. He surprises, loves, and even “dupes” all of us. It still works. Anytime you feel pushed out by society, He’s calling you into closer to Him-sharing mysteries with you personally. Isn’t that awesome? Thanks so much. “I must needs go through Samaria.” -Jesus What a bridge builder. One personal encounter which was a “no-no” on all sides; He saw fit to sit & save. He uses the least to bless the most. Multiplication took a “vacation.” Woo!!!
“I know the love of Jesus without the pomp and circumstance, without the insults, without the dark embers of “the dude code.” I’d returned to myself, and while given structure, I was also free to break some rules.”
Love the rhythms and freedom you are channeling in spaces of faith. It’s inviting freedom for all who read. Thanks so much for sharing, Natasha.
Thank you so much, Katy. I just don’t personally believe that God wants us bound by anything. He’s both simple and profound and often “found in the fringes” and less among the famous.