If a bank robber apologized for parking in a no parking zone we would not be impressed. Our current president apologized for ‘locker room talk’ when he should have confessed to boasting about sexual assault. There are many men who abhor what Donald Trump said, including Mike Pence. Trump’s ‘crudity’ was never named as unwanted sexual touch. And it was never acknowledged as a crime that women have endured since the beginning of time.
I spent the majority of the day of my fortieth wedding anniversary walking with women wearing pink. It was a color I liked until I moved and went to a new elementary school after Easter weekend in the second grade. Mrs. Myers assigned Susan Smith to be my “buddy” and shepherd me through the first week of school. To my surprise, in the multi-purpose lunchroom on that first day, I realized she had an identical twin sister! The Smith twins were a force to be reckoned with, especially on the playground. Within that first week I realized that pink and “prissy” would not be tolerated. Somehow I convinced my mother to never put pink ribbons in my hair again or have me wear pink clothing of any kind. For some reason, the Smith twins liked me and I liked them. To this day, that rescue helped change the course of my life. But I was not about to test their patience with the color pink when it was clear they abhorred it. To avoid being bullied I came to hate pink.
Our three children were born in the 1980’s when “gender neutral” colors were being touted as the way to dress and raise our children. In the “Ladies Home Journal, June 1918” an article said, “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.” (Smithsonian.com) In the 1940’s pink became associated with girls and blue for boys. (Jezebel.com) When gender testing became prevalent in the mid 1980’s clothing companies became more gender biased with colors for newborn and toddler clothes. Of course in Asia and Africa pink is a masculine color to this day.
In 1990 The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation handed out pink visors to breast cancer survivors who ran in its Race for the Cure. Before the pink ribbon loops, Charlotte Haley made peach colored loops for legislators to wear to raise awareness of the need for breast cancer research. Soon after the pink visors many cosmetic companies got involved with pink merchandising too.
In 2002, the organization “Code Pink” was founded by activists Jodie Evans and Medea Benjamin. It was mainly founded as an anit-war group but their valiant causes traveled world wide and stood against injustice in countless forms. The name, “Code Pink” was in reaction to our government’s ratings of codes for terrorists chatter.
The latest “Pink” project launched was for January 21’s women’s march that took place in cities all over the world. The Pussyhats turned the movement into a sea of pink. Founders Krista Suh and Jayna Zweiman began knitting classes at The Little Knittery in Atwater Village neighborhood in Los Angeles last year in 2016. Part of the mystic of knitting circles (or any handiwork women do in a group) gives way to conversations. It was during that time when Donald Trump faced allegations of sexual misconduct (which he denied) and as the election drew near, they say those conversations birthed the pink hat pattern. I quote their words: “The idea is both a play on pussyhat, pussycat, and also references Trump’s “grab them by the pussy.”
The next four years will be a trial by word and symbol. Already countless claims are being made that Trump lied or the media is biased. Of course, both accusations are true. Far more, the word of the year determined by the Oxford English Dictionary is ‘post-truth’. It acknowledges that seldom are the facts interpreted fairly, consistently, and in context. Trump can mimic a handicapped reporter’s disability and later his interpreters say he was only highlighting how upset (spastic) he became when his biased views were exposed. What did we see? What is claimed? The disparity is maddening. It is easier to write Trump off or to defend him to the hilt.
I’d rather wear pink. I’d rather use the color of my felinity to mark my ground as a challenge to all bullying; from the left, right, or the silent middle.
I’d rather join the new First Lady whose new focus, supposedly, is on cyber-bullying and just say No. Seriously? Isn’t the incongruence better than any satire you have savored?
I went out our front door today and a package had been delivered from Amazon. I opened it and inside was a Hello Kitty nineteen-inch pink handled tennis racket for my four and a half year old granddaughter Elsa. She is fierce and genuinely tender. She will one day pound a tennis ball over a net. She will also have to face an opponent far more insidious: the demand to remain silent when she sees racial, sexual, religious, or personal bullying.
I know my granddaughter. I know my daughter-in law Sassy. I know her father Andrew. I know my daughters Annie and Amanda and their spouses Driscoll and Jeff. They will march, shout, and proclaim. No one has the right to violate the body of another human being. No one has the right to mock someone else’s body. No one has a right to turn my heart against wearing pink. We are seriously entering one of the most important periods of our lives and the future of our country and every woman, irrespective of one’s views of the President, politics, or faith needs occasionally to wear a color that says: Not on my watch!
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of 40 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living! bs
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I think the Smith twins liked you, because YOU were a force to be reckoned with. (And there was only one of you.!) I am sad that for little Becky, pink went away in a sea of transition and change, both literally and figuratively, but the deep reckoning in your words here brings gratitude for the wisdom and strength that you bring wherever you go. I am grateful that on rare occasions that path intersects with mine in unlikely, yet perfect, places. Just grateful. Thank you for your voice and for giving more words for those who are still finding theirs.
Thank you Julie! I so like our intersections too. May those who need to speak have the courage to do so. I realize that losing pink for a good portion of my life was a very, very small price to pay. Others have suffered great harm with bullying and hatred.
Amen! We will not be silent. We will stand up for human decency, rights, equality…we will not be bullied by those in high positions who feel they can justify every word and action that might be misconstrued. I stand with you.
Thank you for standing with me. Our country’s leadership reminds me of what it looked like in my childhood. Which is not good. Just as reading the Bible needs both genders to hear the text completely…so does our government.
What about you government reminds you of how it was previously in your life? I was born in the late 70’s so I would appreciate your perspective.
I am asking respectfully because I am not sure I understand your point. Can you please clarify? I do not wish to retaliate or try to belittle your position. Are you implying that you marched in the Woman’s march to stand up against all forms of hate and sexual violence against women? I am not sure your intent was to talk about the march, but since you alluded to it, I saw displays from the march that could be thought of as violating the “no one has the right” list that was stated in the end of the piece. Again, I may have missed your point completely, so I thank you in advance if you try and clarify it for me.
Katie, I am sorry. I am not sure what you are asking. Could you reframe your question.
If you could restate the main thought of your article. In a sense, “why are you wearing pink again,” what is the purpose?
Katie, sorry, just saw your question about the government. The government, for one point, is looking all male (the cabinet) right there….that is a backwards step.But I do not think either one of us want to use this comment section for debate. Possibly…you could take this article to people on different sides of the divide and that would prove to be a better discussion.
Katie, you ask that I restate the main thought of the article. I think that is one of the points of this article. It’s the “felinity” (Sly, stealthy or treacherous)in which I speak and combat the acts against others. Thus, meaning, this article has many main points. Which one are you reacting to that you would like me to explain for you? Because, I am just like you….I see many points and thus the main point is seen differently by many.
Thank you for responding. I will move on.
Becky, thank you for standing so courageously. Your post brought me to tears. I’m at a loss for words, but I know that I feel less alone and more hopeful about what the world will look like for my three young girls, 4, 2 and 6 months as I see good, kind and strong women like you fight against exploitation and create space for us to be both tender and fierce like your dear Elsa.
Thank you Rachel for your kind words. We have so much hope and desire for our daughters and for our sons. We want safety and love and inclusion because the bottom line is always love.
I agree with your thoughts and I say Amen to your stand.
I did not catch it was you, even with the mention of the Smith twins. I never knew about you not wearing pink. I made mother go buy me Bobby socks, because no one wore anklets.
Oh, yay for mom buying you Bobby socks. It certainly was treacherous going to a new elementary school.
Love your last paragraph!
Thank you Bethany. Love is the answer and with that civility and kindness by all to all is my hope.
Becky, I’m alittle confused. You discussed the Women’ s March and how liberating it was for you! Cheers! But the pro life advocates (the rights of the unborn) were not welcome at the Women’s March. “No one has the right to violate the body of another human being.” But what about the unborn….Hmm I guess I don’t understand.
Dear Sue, I was sad that Pro-life signs and marchers were excluded. That would have been so awesome to have kindness and peace with our gender marching together. It does not always work that way. I am glad that Pro-Life marched later. I think my marching for as I did, did not mean that I was against Pro-Life stance. I wonder, maybe, you saw it that way?
Sadly the women’s march was pro abortion. I saw other hypocrisies in the women’s march to include a celebrity invoking violence on the White House. Marchers paraded up constitution Ave carrying crude and vulgar signs.
So different from the pro life march. Mike Pence spoke and prayed for our nation and the unborn. I was there and only saw signs for “life”.
The Women’s march seemed intolerant (hateful) of any woman who had a different view from theirs……how is that helpful? How is that giving all women a voice?
I love this-thanks for sharing! I agree that the next four years will be a trial for any of us who expect our leaders to lead with empathy and kindness. You are a great model, Becky, for how to stand up while still holding tight to love and kindness. Thanks for leading the way.
Thank you Aana! We lead the way together in the face of adversity because the bottom line…we love and have much at stake!
“Not on my watch” Becky, your fierce commitment to naming truth is a gift to all. Thank you for stepping into these treacherous waters in a time as a nation that has unveiled some incredible resiliency as well as heartbreaking divisions. This post is full of much to ponder. Where has voice and choice been snuffed out by another? Will I/we stand courageously to reclaim those lost places…even if it comes years after the harm. May we learn to stand resolute in places where freedom has/is being threatened, and do so in a way that disarms false power, but doesn’t mimic the hatred and marginalization that brought this about to begin with. Grateful for you.
Thank you Melanie! I am encouraged by your understanding of what is happening! Yes, as you wrote: “May we learn to stand resolute in places where freedom has/is being threatened, and do so in a way that disarms false power, but doesn’t mimic the hatred and marginalization that brought this about to begin with.” I am grateful for you!
Thank you, Becky. Your article brings together so many great thoughts, particularly the ironic cause of our new First Lady: “Isn’t the incongruence better than any satire you have savored?” Love it.
I’m generally too fearful to march, speak out, or take a stand for fear of being misunderstood (as if that is the worst thing possible). Thanks for helping to empower my increasingly strengthened prophet voice. I’m grateful for you!
I am grateful you are feeling strengthened with your prophetic voice! May you speak more and more to the reality you see. I know your heart for justice is huge!!!
Thank you for your words, Becky. I especially love this image: “I’d rather use the color of my felinity to mark my ground…”
Keep marking and marching; keep shouting and proclaiming. Your voice lends strength to my own.
Thanks Mandy! And thanks what you do to mark your ground with your love of kindness. Your compassionate heart is a gift to many!
I finished reading this then had to get socks for one of the kids. As I rummaged and mulled your words, I found myself humming the last song from Les Misérables – it seems fitting; life beyond the barricade. I agree with your sentiment: Not on my watch… in so many arenas. But to be honest, it’s hard to stay tuned in when you feel powerless to make a meaningful impact. In addition to the march, how do you move, what do you do, for you to feel like your voice matters?
That is a good question. Facebook has really helped me. It has calmed me down and made me feel aligned with people who think like me. And…yes…what else to do other than write congressmen and women, etc If you think of other things…let me know! We must not remain silent and uninformed! Thanks for your comment.
Becky, I so honor your courage to step into a confusing, even scary, mess in order to reclaim goodness for yourself and others. I’ve often wrongly associated “pink” with pretty passiveness, and indeed it has been far easier for me to join the “silent middle.” But, with both your strength and tenderness, you have reminded me that pink is a mixing of red (passion, desire, power and determination) and white (light, innocence, faith, and goodness). That combination creates a tension that I can run away from, full contempt or fear. Thank you for inviting me to instead stand in that tension with both humility and conviction, kindness and fierceness –and believe that pink can stand for the hopeful power of love.
Jen, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I love your analysis of the tension of pink and what it invites us all to do. It is a new day to feel on the other side of a divide in our country. It gives me kindness for families who have done this before. It gives me hope when I see how our country has ebbed and flowed and with all of that. I love America. So grateful for it. I love every sentence you wrote.
Hi Becky,
Thank you for your courageous post. I’m so grateful that we live in a country where we all have the freedom and privilege to “march, shout, and proclaim” and hold differences of opinions. I love your declaration that “No one has the right to violate the body of another human being!” I stand in agreement with you! And I also agree that, “We are seriously entering one of the most important periods of our lives and the future of our country and every woman, irrespective of one’s views of the President, politics, or faith needs occasionally to wear a color that says: Not on my watch!” May love prevail. An earlier post from Melanie says it so well.
Thank you Linda. Thank for declaring the same things that I do. I, too, am so grateful that we have the freedom and privilege to “March, shout, and proclaim.” Hallelujah. Thank you Jesus that you are with your children on both sides of the divide.
So grateful for your courage and clarity. It gives me hope and reminds me to continually stand up to false and harmful power. Not on my watch either.
Ah, that sounds so good: ” It gives me hope and reminds me to continually stand up to false and harmful power.” Amen.
Becky I love your determination to name things what they are – sexual assault is sexual assault, not “locker room talk”. I am astounded at the apparent willingness of so many to believe so called “alternative facts.” I went to the Women’s March in Chicago, and was struck by the diversity of people and views represented, and yet how respectfully everyone was treating each other – the emphasis was more on what unified us rather than divided us. It gave me great hope that there are more people who are willing to stand up and speak out against bullying and abusive behavior, rather than remaining silent. Perhaps that is something good that comes out of this rather surreal time in our nation’s history – that more of us are disrupted enough that we are compelled to act.
Janet, that is so cool that you marched in Chicago! I felt the same way…everyone was respectful and it was incredibly powerful to feel so united with everyone. I think all of us who marched HAVE been changed. And because of that we will remain strong doing what we can and need to do. Thank you Janet for standing alongside with me!
Becky,
Your words offer hope in days where hope for honor, goodness, and truth feel mocked. Thank you also for the reminder that targets for exclusion, bullying, and abuse extend beyond gender but include race, religion, and disability. I join you in the No of “Not on my watch” and hopefully also in the Yes of exploring how are we now then to live.
Thank you Susan. Thank you for joining me in saying, “Not on my watch!” These truly are days to be aware of exclusion, bullying and abuse and to stand up and speak up on behalf of ourselves and others.
I’m so glad to see this here. Your words meant a lot coming from Red Tent Living. Thank you.
Dear Cynthia, thank you. I am not exactly what it means to come from “red tent living”….but, I take this as a compliment. And I confess, sometimes I am a totally clueless person! Cheers!
Fierce AND tender…I think I know from whom Elsa inherited these amazing qualities. Thank you for your courage to pen this piece. The seeming madness of the past three months and what it has stirred in me has been nearly impossible to articulate, so I find such relief when someone says it so well. Your final two paragraphs paint such a picture of strength and hope. Thank you.
Dear Susan, thank you! It is an unusual time. I find myself “swirling” and not knowing how to traverse this new territory. I am a bit flummoxed and yet, I do not want wisdom…to be my silence…so, this is tricky!