I may be wrong, but I have only said: “Hello” to my husband one time and it changed both of our lives. I may have only said the word once, but I have been welcoming him since high school. Hello is what I say on the telephone when I identify myself as, Rebecca. Hello is what I say when I walk into a shop and let someone know that I am there. But, since caller I.D., hello is something I never say to someone I love.
I grew to love The Marx Brothers and Frank Zappa in high school because of Dick Mackey. And my future husband Dan, entered into my view before English class my senior year. He was the nearest person to Groucho Marx around! He says that it was in our sophomore year in French class that he noticed my legs and used to drop his pencil many times each class to look at them. I was only aware of his “teacher’s pet” status and had no affection for him. But somehow, in between English and American Government our senior year he made his way into my life.
We were probably shy and for whatever reason, it became hilarious to greet one another in a Brooklyn accent while asking, “Do you have a “quaaater” to spare?” He was a football player and I was in choir. He was dating someone and I was dating someone and so that Brooklyn accent about needing quarters was as far as our relationship went.
We went to different colleges in Ohio and occasionally wrote to one another. We would see one another at college rock concerts: Muddy Waters at The Agora, Frank Zappa at Ohio Wesleyan and The Doors at Veterans Memorial Auditorium in Columbus. We usually would just wave. Dan even stopped by my parents’ home a few times during college, but only once was I home. That was it, or at least what I thought.
A couple of years after college graduation, Dan went to a large record store on Ohio State’s campus. Dick Mackey, noticed him across fifteen aisles of records and hollered, “Guess what, Allender? Becky Gilbert is like YOU! She became a Christian!” Stunned, Dan gave Dick a wave and went home wondering.
That same afternoon my friend Jane called to see if I wanted to go to Jeff Stark’s house and watch Sherlock Holmes movies on PBS. I had never talked to Jeff in my life but I said yes because I knew that he was a student at Westminster Seminary. A few hours later Jane called to say she was not going to go. I went anyway and had a great time.
Unbeknownst to me, Jeff had asked Dan to come that night as well. Jeff said he would call when the two girls arrived. Dan knew I was coming and was over the moon with the thought of seeing me. When only one girl came, Jeff ‘forgot’ to call.
The following day, I got a strange phone call. I answered and said, “Hello.” This person did not say hello back and would not say who he was. I was irritated and almost hung up when he said, “This is a voice from your past.” I asked, having no idea who it was, “Please tell me your initials.” He said, “D.A.” I immediately knew and said, “Dan Allender, what are you calling me for?”
He said, “I’d like to see you tonight?” I replied, “I am sorry, but I am going to Jeff Stark’s house.” He replied, “Well, just stop by my parents’ home before you go to Jeff’s.”
So, that’s what I did. I stopped by his home and after what seemed to be a nice, short visit, I told him I was going to go to Jeff’s. He quickly asked if I wanted to meet his mother. (Not really, but it seemed impolite to say that.) We walked into his home and there was Mrs. Allender with white bouffant hair that was similar to Marge Simpson’s blue hair. She had the skinniest legs I’d ever seen and weighed about ninety pounds. We were introduced and as I tried to exit to the door Dan said, “Would you like to see the tricks we do together?” Remember, I like Groucho and Frank Z., and thought, what the hell? “Okay,” I said and followed them into the dining room.
Mrs. Allender turned herself into a rigid baton and Dan proceeded to throw her to the ceiling! He then twirled around and caught her behind his back and then lifted his leg like a can-can dancer and swooped her underneath his leg and tossed her one last time before setting her down on the blue carpet. My eyes were wide-eyed with incredulity and hilarity. It took decades to realize he was stalling to keep me fascinated with his antics and distracted from my plan to see Jeff.
We went for a brief walk that turned into hours and I never made it to Jeff’s that night! The following day I cooked Chinese food complete with my first try at egg rolls and invited him to a picnic by the Scioto River.
We hugged and said good-bye. Dan drove back to seminary and I went backpacking in Europe with Jane and Roberta. For the next four months from Wales to Switzerland to Austria to Turkey Dan had letters waiting for me at every American Express office we went to!
Each letter started with a warmth and playfulness that I could not ignore. The man won my heart from the first hello and with each and every greeting since. How we greet each other in the morning sets in motion what kind of day it will be. Dan has said countless times that my voice brings him a light and life in the early dark hours of the morning that is like a beacon.
How we greet each other at the beginning of a day is a foretaste of the welcome we will one day receive when we stand before Jesus.
Each day every one of us gets to practice saying what we want one day to hear. We are days away from our 40th Anniversary. On our Anniversary morning, I plan to wake my husband up and say, “Hello, welcome to my bed. My name is Becky and what is yours? Tell me how you’ve come to share this life with me?”
Becky Allender lives on Bainbridge Island with her loving, wild husband of almost 40 years. A mother and grandmother, she is quite fond of sunshine, yoga, Hawaiian quilting and creating 17th Century reproduction samplers. A community of praying women, loving Jesus, and the art of gratitude fill her life with goodness. She wonders what she got herself into with Red Tent Living! bs
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So delightful to hear your love story! Thank you for the beauty and light this morning, Becky! Christine
Thank you Christine. I am glad you enjoyed our beginning of our story.
Becky, your voice really IS a beacon of love and life. My high school sweetheart and I just celebrated 25 years together last week with the realization it’s time to return to counseling. It was not the traditional silver anniversary, yet so hard and hopeful and good. Thank you for shining a light 15 years down the road that there is goodness in hope in remembering back. May your 40th find you and Dan continuing to grow and laugh together. Blessings!!!!
Dear Julie, good for you and your husband to return to counseling. You strike me as a passionate, brave and very wise woman. How awesome to use that “silver anniversary” gift money to honor your vows and invest in the long-haul of loving one another. Thank you for your hope for laughter to grow….I love that. YES to joy!
What a beautiful love story that continues to add new chapters. Happy Anniversary ! Enjoying adding more chapters to this story as you say hello again. joan
Thank you Joan. Thank you.
Ah, the sweet dance of love! Every time I hear one of the stories of you and Dan’s marriage I find myself believing in marriage and hoping for such. And what a gift this is. Thank you for taking time from your full life to share your writing, once again. It always makes my day that much more praiseful.
This is one of the greatest replies imaginable: “Every time I hear one of the stories of you and Dan’s marriage I find myself believing in marriage and hoping for such.” May that hope continue to grow and may that man “who is wowed by your presence of your body, mind and spirit” show up in your life soon. Thank you Kelli.
Becky,
Thank you for another great story of love from the privacy of your heart. I, like many others, am inspired by your planned 40th anniversary greeting. I will definitely give that more time to grow in my heart and mind. John and I have a marriage ministry and read Dan’s books that are great tools but I’m thankful also for your impact on our ministry through your words through Red Tent. Such beauty and authenticity. Thanks again!
Thank YOU very much for your reply. Bless you with your ministry. Marriage is truly a foretaste of the coming restoration of all things. Not that it reflects that often…but when it happens..it is a taste of the care and delight we were created for. I appreciate your ministry to foster that in your marriage and others.
I don’t know how to say it, other than you charmed me with every single word of your essay. I love hearing more of your and Dan’s love story–your playfulness, banter, wooing, and connection. It is truly a GREAT love story…both in the living and in the telling. Congratulations on your 40th anniversary! (And, by the way, the scene where Dan twirls his mother like a baton reads like a scene from one of my favorite films, “Big Fish.” It is whimsical and larger-than-life! Delightful!)
Susan, thank you taking the time to comment and for you encouragement! Big Fish, eh? I am going to have to watch that. Hilarious! This is the tip of the iceberg meeting story. There’s a drug deal and three cars with men shooting shot guns out their windows at us too. That happened during college at Spring Break! But that is for another time!
Delightful post Becky. Morning greetings are my favorite! I have been feeling that a lot more recently and I love how you put words to it here. Oh my goodness…that story of Dan and his mom is so very good. I can imagine the delight on your face. Happy 40th anniversary. So much goodness, so much life. Enjoy!
Thank you Bethany! I am not sure if my expression was delight or horror! How many grown men do tricks with their mothers? If she had been a cool mother like you….I would have smiled with full delight.
So fun to hear how you two first met. Congratulations on 40 years.
I can’t image Dan throwing his mother up and around. But would have loved to have seen it. When my son came home from wrestling practice he would try to demonstrate wrestling moves with me, I would stiffen up, I was too afraid. I guess I thought I would break. Jo was better at play with her son than I was.
Well…maybe wrestling was the reason for such play! I will ask him.
Becky- I loved reading this! It is such a genuine, innocent and playful picture of you and Dan and your relationship. Happy Anniversary! What a blessing you both are to SO SO many! -Natalie
Thank you Natalie! It really was innocent and playful. So long ago….
This is one of the many delightful pieces I’ve had the pleasure to read on Red Tent from you, Becky! Something about the gleefulness of your and Dan’s life together melts my heart and, yes, causes me to see my own dear husband in new and fresh ways. Your words never fail to reach a deep place with me ~ so different from Dan and every bit as provocative and healing; thank you so much! You’ve become a great team to all of us who follow hard after the redemption of our stories Jesus brings!
Melanye, oh my goodness! Thank you for your very kind comment. Your heart is good to read and have that cause you to see your dear husband in and new and fresh ways. I love that! I give Jesus the praise! Thank you for calling us a team, I really like being so! Hugs across the many miles….
Becky, I am always amazed that when I read your posts I can go from laughing out loud to tears in the space of just a few sentences! The sassy “Dan Allender what are you calling me for?”…oh my goodness, I can totally hear you! And Dan’s endearingly desperate pursuit, including entertaining you with his mother. I can’t even imagine!! I think that’s one of the things I love so much about your stories – they are both fascinating in their craziness, and yet so absolutely believable and relatable.
I am particularly struck by the challenge you laid out: “How we greet each other at the beginning of a day is a foretaste of the welcome we will one day receive when we stand before Jesus.” What a difference that would make, and why wouldn’t I want to welcome the one I love most that way? Happy anniversary, may the hello be sweet. Much love to both of you.
Much love to you and Chris, Janet! I totally said what I said and how odd that with two letters I totally knew who it was. Did I say that I had just gotten out of the shower and was dripping wet with a towel wrapped around me? Back in the day when phones upstairs were only in your parents’ master bedroom! So glad I chanced being seen…given those days before an answering machine! Grateful. Makes me smile even as I write you! Love to our home to yours….
Becky, this is so RICH. I love the story and you tell it with such humor and grace. I love the gritty details. I love your sass. I thoroughly enjoy experiencing the lens through with you see life. Thank you for sharing the love story of your marriage. I LOVE your plan for your 40th!: “Tell me how you’ve come to share this life with me?” The richness is in the fact that, although you’ve known each other so long, there’s a sense of great mystery amidst your connection and how your lives have unfolded! Marriage can feel too rudimentary and predictable after so many years, and I love how you have brought it back to newness and mystery with this artful question. 🙂 Happy 40th! My parents just celebrated their 40th!
Thank you Libby. Please say congratulations to your parents! How cool is that. Thank you for your kindness about my writing. There is another part to how we met … I will have to do that at another time. It involves a car chase with three cars and their shot guns chasing us on the highway at 3:00 in the morning in Georgia!!!! It was too crazy too fit in…but I really should try a tell that tale sometime!