It’s hot. Life is busy. Life is intense right now, but it has little to do with summer, or heat, or how intense the sun can get in the summer. I’m overwhelmed, to say the least.
I have a five week old baby. My son, Wilson, is a good baby. He doesn’t cry unless there’s a reason. He eats well, sleeps well, and is generally a happy boy. But this summer has been one of the most intense of my life.
It feels as though my feet are to the fire here. This morning, I woke up at 5:50 and fed Wilson. Then he started fussing. I didn’t have time to comfort him and take time to rock him and sing to him, he had to cry it out. It’s my husband’s birthday so I had to get a special breakfast ready, clean up the house, pump, and get a run in before we headed out for a birthday surprise. I got it all together, and as I was sitting there, pumping, trying to get my shoes on, and planning the day, I burst into tears.
This is so intense. This mothering thing, this marriage thing, this woman thing. It’s hard. It’s overwhelming and never ending and intense.
I cried out to God. It felt so familiar, to be in this place. The place where the struggle is overwhelming and I don’t think I can go on and I want to give up. Through my tears, I said “God, I need you. I need you to help me. I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t want to do it anymore. I need you to fix this, fix me, help me”.
I got up, went out the door, and went for a run. I have made a resolution to listen to worship music while I workout, mainly because the daily barrage of super fun pop songs were enjoyable but not nourishing to my soul. The song came on with the lyrics “I called, You answered, and You came to my rescue, and I want to be where You are”. And, in that moment, I knew how to lessen the intensity of this “mom/wife/woman” life.
Run to God. Like, literally, get off of Pinterest, stop the Katy Perry music, and run after Him. Pray, talk to Him, tell Him what is on my heart.
Because this life is intense. The heat and pressure can be overwhelming at times, to make sure your child is growing, make sure your marriage is healthy, make sure you encouraged your husband, engaged with your friends, took time for yourself, etc.
And the only way to survive this intensity is God. Praying, seeking God, and not being afraid to cry at His feet in utter defeat. Crying out to God is intense, intense as the dang hot Texas sun, but it is a beautiful place.
Kacy Davis lives in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband, Collin. She is a special education teacher and advocate of those with special needs and loves her job. She spends her time riding bikes with her husband, running, reading, and enjoying those she loves. Kacy believes in reinventing what it means to be a woman and wife who loves the Lord and longs to help others learn to love the Lord with abandon, freedom, and a greater understanding of grace. She writes here.
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Dear Kacy, WOW! Oh, I loved, loved, loved what you wrote. I have been waiting to hear if you had a girl or a boy. I love the name Wilson. I think what you wrote is so true. You nailed it beautifully. It was the message I needed today and it is a timeless message to all women of all ages anywhere. And could there be a more simple message (but not easy) to do life along side God because we certainly cannot do this life without Him. Thank you.
Yep. It’s simple. Run to God. Simple, but not easy. Enjoy. Each stage is wonderful, and they fly by.
My dear Kacy, this is a lot. And you are doing it! I love the tenderness in your picture and I love that you recognize all that goes on for you and Wilson. I love his name…such a strong and masculine one. He will grow into his name with you nurturing him along the way. You are managing well and God is by your side. He sees you, too.
Beautiful post, and I remember those feelings from years ago. I felt most like you when we adopted our first, Joshua, 4-1/2 weeks old. Just no time, no time. I remember everything you are saying is true, though you are wiser than I was. To realize these things and hand them over to our loving God is the wisest choice ever. But I just wanted to encourage you, you hear it all the time I’m sure, these days will fly by and one day you’ll be 60, looking back and know that you did all with love, and the people around you will know that too. Saying a prayer for you and yours. 🙂
Dear Kacy,
I hear you. Life can be so intense and overwhelming with a new born. My advice. Pick up that 5 week old baby, turn on some quiet worship music and sit down and rock and sing to him as you both cry out to God. Let go of the special breakfast and all that you feel like to need to be for now. This time is priceless.
Beautiful picture of you and your sweet new baby boy!! I loved the words you put to everything that is intense…even running to God is intense. Yes.