“Just landed in Raleigh for Recovery Week.”
The text came in early Saturday afternoon, pregnant with hope for a week designed to care for the precious soul of a young woman I have come to love.
“I am so glad I am coming back soon.”
Another text early Saturday morning from my son as he landed back in Phoenix after being home for Thanksgiving, again pregnant with hope for the Christmas break and what it will bring.
Pregnant with Hope.
Hope is place of waiting, watching–expectant, eyes wide open. It is to be present in the now with a heart open to the future.
Sara Groves in her song, “It’s True” says “In your heart you know it’s true, though you hold no expectation. In the deepest part of you there’s a hesitation.”
There is a hesitation in the deepest part of me this year. Are you with me? I know some of you are there too. There’s a place inside of me that needs palpable presence of Jesus. It’s an empty stable inside of my heart. It feels a bit desolate, cold, empty and honestly there’s a bit of a stench. It seems an unlikely place for the Savior to show Himself…despite what I know in my head to be true.
I know Jesus came.
I believe it.
I’ve felt it before.
And yet….here I am with this place that feels a bit shabby and uninhabitable.
“The function of Advent is to remind us what we’re waiting for as we go through life too busy with things that do not matter to remember the things that do.”
Today my bedroom became a sacred space with “big girls” for about an hour. They sat on my bed, in their pj’s, drinking coffee and talking as I folded laundry from the Thanksgiving week guests in our home.
“So…I was wanting to talk about this….”
“I was thinking maybe we could…”
“This is just what I needed, and I didn’t even know it…”
“I can’t wait for Christmas…can we do this some more that week…???”
My children know what they are hoping for, how about you? Do you know what you are waiting for?
Today I began putting words to things my heart has been holding tightly, fears…needs…longings.
This first week of Christmas became sacred space for me three years ago when I attended my first “Recovery Week” hosted by The Allender Center and Dan Allender. Every year since I have been more mindful of certain parts of my life story and what happened for me that week as Jesus showed up in unexpected ways. The text this morning from the dear young woman who is attending her first Recovery Week was a call for me to remember. It was an invitation to hope again. In intimate and particular ways it intersects with the stable place inside of me right now.
My son letting me know he is so glad to be coming home again in just two weeks was another invitation.
My girls lounging on the bed sharing secrets and laughter, another reminder.
It has come. Advent. The invitation to slow down and think. It brings the chance to choose between the good, the better and the best for our souls. The opportunities will be daily and perhaps even moment by moment.
I have many Christmas trees in my home…which is a story in and of itself…but on my three seasons porch is “my tree”. The tree that holds ornaments precious to me. I decorate it quietly, with Christmas music that I love playing in the background. There’s no chaos, no hustle or bustle, it’s a thoughtful and peaceful space for me in the midst of what is family full day. It is a sacred space that helps my heart welcome Advent.
I sat by that tree as I thought about this post, purposing to be present for all of what my heart was feeling.
Advent is here, pregnant with Hope for all of us. Will you dare to feel what your heart is wanting and waiting for? I hope so.
Tracy Johnson is a lover of stories and a reluctant dreamer, living by faith that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick but when dreams come true there is a life and joy” (Pro. 13:12). Married for 27 years, she is mother to five kids. After nearly a half century of life, she’s feeling like she may know who she is. Founder of Seized by Hope Ministries, she writes here.
 
“Pregnant with hope”…I love that!
Me too!
“There is a hesitation in the deepest part of me this year. Are you with me?” Yes, Tracy I am with you. The reality of that hesitation hurts for you and it hurts for me. Yet you offer hope that the empty stable places are places where Jesus can come to fill. I want that. I want to be patient with the empty places, to wait and allow Jesus to come. Thank you for offering words that set my heart on a good path of creating space for Jesus as I begin my Advent this season.
Thank you for being with me my friend, your presence is blessing.
Yes, a sacred space, a hopeful place, waiting for the goodness it brings. I love this…
Sacred spaces and the waiting together is hopeful, so glad you are there too.
Choosing the “good, the better, and the best for our souls,” setting up “my tree,” “purposing to be present for all of what my heart was feeling.” Feeling a bit “shabby and uninhabitable.” Creating sacred spaces with bigs. Pregnant with hope. “Daring to feel in the wanting and waiting.” Thank you for these words. This reminder. This invitation to hope.
I am with you, Friend. I love your words and your beautiful, courageous heart.
Thank you Julie.
Season of hope…..the invitation feels real and life giving. “The opportunities will be daily….and perhaps even moment by moment.” I will be present to watch and wait.
Hoping there are moments for us to share this season Elaine!
“It has come. Advent. The invitation to slow down and think. It brings the chance to choose between the good, the better and the best for our souls. The opportunities will be daily and perhaps even moment by moment”. Tracy, thank you for stopping me cold in my tracks and inviting me to slow down and think. I heard that and took the challenge to open space for gratitude and quiet and pondering of where I have come from. To be still and listen. Thank you. I am grateful for Recovery Weeks and that you partner with others to go and heal and be set free. With love, Becky.
I too am grateful for Recovery weeks, and for the part you have played in them Becky. Your prayers and generous heart have made them possible. Blessings as you are still and listening this Advent.
I love how you claim “sacred space” in the midst of chaos for your own tree…for your own heart.
You have been a great encourager to my heart there Janet, reminding me to listen and ask for I need.